Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My vagina just recognized that song.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
