it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
