before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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