I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
