I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize