I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
