I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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