i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize