the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
