Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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