A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
