So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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