Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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