We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
