I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
