I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My ass is underappreciated
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
