i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
