Dude my mom stole all your condoms
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
