allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
