coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
