so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I need a beard to bite.
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