i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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