got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize