that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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