I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
