that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
