I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
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