After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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