fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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