I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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