literally had 100 drinks last night.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
