Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
