good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
