I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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