I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
