oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
