This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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