What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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