I am spending my child support on dildos
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
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