Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
