just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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