He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
