Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
