my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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