If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
