tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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