I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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