I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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