The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
