Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
