Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize