I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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