My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
