If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
