I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
