Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
