Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm like, not good at living.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
