i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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