Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
