I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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