I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
