I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
