im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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