We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
