now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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