thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
