google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize